the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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