She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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