is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
