Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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