U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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