In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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