so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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