theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
