quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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