I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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