so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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