In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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