Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
