why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
