Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
