So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This house was built for laser tag.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
