you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
