Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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