Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
where are my eyebrows?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
