I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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