I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize