I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment