we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm always down for nudity.
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