Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
