What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
