Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
