I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
