I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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