Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
