Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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