I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
