My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
