At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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