he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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