All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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