i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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