there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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