his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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