I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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