Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
