doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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