You just made me feel so damn special
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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