We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
