She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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