If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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