All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it hurts more in the daytime
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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