I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
