I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
