Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
