Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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