Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
