I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
