Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is wine microwaveable?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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