I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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