I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
