Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
