I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
