I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
