I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
