Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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