Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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