Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
