So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
